My boyfriend and I just got done with a video call on skype.
Yknow…he says hes feeling alone and depressed cause he doesnt really know anyone in Colorado Springs, but what frustrates me the most is that while he’s sitting there whining about feeling alone, I’m sitting here by myself. The only company I have is our son who is sound asleep upstairs who doesn’t even understand anything except how to cry, how to feed himself a cracker, and shit his brains out.
I understand why he thinks that joining the army is what’s best to support us. I understand- really I do. But what I don’t understand is how he could just sit there and tell me how lonely he’s feeling.
This is the 5th holiday he’s missing out on now. He’s missed my very first mothers day- didnt send me a card or anything, just wished me a ‘happy’ one because he was stuck in basic training and pretty much couldnt do SHIT, he wasnt here for his own first fathers day, he wasnt here for Nicks first 4th of July, or Halloween, and now Thanksgiving.
I swear he has no concept of loneliness. Sitting in Fort Carson by yourself is not being lonely. In a town full of people you know and love you and you’re sitting there feeling your heart ripped in two because the one you WANT to share these moments for ISN’T here- THAT’S loneliness. The knowledge that even though you’re in a room full of people, there’s just one person who’s not there…and can’t be.
I can’t wait for him to be here for Christmas, but with his deployment to Afganistan coming up pretty much right after Nicholas’ first birthday…I just feel like I’m the one who should be saying I feel alone.
I respect soldiers- I do. But in this case…I feel like I got the shit end of the stick. I’m the one stuck with a baby, living in an income based apartment, not having the money to pay bills, stuck with working at a job that gives you shit hours…and then to sit there at the end of the day and hear how you’re lonely and that you’re so unhappy. Switch lives with me. I fucking dare you.
I can’t say I completely understand what you’re going through, but I do know what it’s like to be lonely, to not have that one certain person there. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for four years and just recently we had our fourth anniversary. We haven’t been able to really celebrate Valentine’s Day, we’ve had to spend Christmases exchanging gifts by mail, and I’ve never seen him on a Halloween or a 4th of July.
Trust me, it’s some very hard stuff to go through, but you know, we really love each other and since we really want this relationship to work, we try our best to communicate as often as possible. It’s a lot of work, with quite a bit of emotional difficulty, but you know, if you love someone enough and they love you, you’ll try to make things work, and if you can make it work, it makes that relationship stronger and all the more special. Now, as I said, I can’t say I completely understand because I’m not a single mom, but I do know what it’s like to not have that special somebody there physically next to you and it does suck sometimes.
Well, anyway, if you need someone to talk to sometime, I’ll listen. I’m just a Facebook message or a text away.